How to change with a chronic condition
I love to move, I love to feel my heart rate raise to the roof and I love to feel alive. However, with a chronic condition, cardio, I have discovered, really is not my friend. We have fallen out with each other. A shame really because I really like her!
What having a chronic condition has taught me is that change is the only constant. And change is relentless. Change is the eager beaver that appears daily, even hourly to remind me and humble me into being present. And this has been made clear with my love of dance.
I have danced since I was 6 years old. My parents felt ballet would make me graceful (I am not), improve my posture (it didn’t), make me less clumsy (it didn’t and I drink from water bottles as I spill anything in an open cup or glass). Ballet is where is all began. But ballet for me has always been too rigid, the movements are deceptively hard, slow is harder than fast in fact. For me jazz dance is where I feel most at home. And for years I danced it, I actually danced jazz at Pineapple Studios for a bit during uni. A great way to have fun and exercise. I loved how the cardio made me feel - accomplished. Purposeful.
Time and Tissue Issues
But dancing in your 20s- of which I did a lot of this especially in the clubs around London, Paris and Barcelona - is very different to dancing in your 40s. I can no longer whip my hair back and forth - mostly because after a detached retina that isn’t a good idea. And also my neck is very mobile so one flick of the neck too hard and too sharply will mean I will sub-locate something at the very least.
One of the hardest things to do in life is to change something in your life when you are not ready. Although it is still pretty hard when you are ready for the change. I have always been ready for the detached retina era I now live in but yeah I wasn’t ready ready emotionally. But I find that having to step away from dance studios and the stage and performing is so hard. I still grieve in fact. I miss the mirrors in the studio, I miss the sprung floors, I miss the smoothness of the floors so that you can spin easily on one foot, I miss the space. I miss the stage and the rehearsals, I miss the buzz from a live performance, I miss the smells of make up and hair spray, I miss the camaraderie and I miss the connection I get some dance to me, myself and I.
And that adds up to a lot of misses. I remain grateful for the time I had where I was able to do this. I remain happy that I could fulfil some of my dreams. And I will always be sad that I can no longer dance how I would like to in the places I would love to. So what can I do? How can I change my mindset?
Put simply, I still dance. OK so it is now more Kitchen Disco than a studio but dancing and more importantly movement is the key thing here. It doesn’t matter when or where you dance. It doesn’t matter if you have the right clothes or hair or make up. What matters is how wonderful you feel when you dance. Dance is so good for your mental well-being. And even though I have to be very mindful about dance and what movements work for me and the speed of the tempo, I can still move and I can still dance gently.
So remember keep moving, no matter how large you live and love it, keep moving!
xx
