What does pain look like?
A question for you lovely people out there. What does pain look like? I ask this because I have been questioning my very sanity at times this week due to people devaluing me and my pain.
So I ask again what is a person in pain supposed to look like?
- Grey and “off”looking
- Complaining all the time
- Screaming
- Be in a wheelchair or other aid
At this point I know a lot of people in pain. Many of them have DM’d me after my insta posts and talk to me about their pain. And what strikes me the most is that they LOOK LIKE PEOPLE. And they look like you and me and everyone else.
It upsets me a lot when people question my pain. Family, friends, strangers, medical professionals seem to have one single image in their head about what a person in pain should look like or behave like. But my question to you is why? Why would you limit yourself to such a tiny belief?
No one likes pain. They really don’t. Is that it? Because pain is icky and horrid and we don’t like to talk about it, see it, even think about it then we filter our world to NOT TALK ABOUT PAIN.
I am used to medical professionals question my pain levels and I am used to them questioning each other about diagnosis. I’ve seen some really funny things where doctors dismiss other doctor’s diagnosis. And yes I admit it gives me great glee to see the doctors face realise how very real my diagnosis is and where it happened and how it is a matter of medical record.
“Oh but everybody gets aches and pains”
Yes, I agree - everyone does. In fact many millions do. Which is not very nice to think about or talk about. But please be kind. My pain is my pain and those comments are very dismissive and rude at best and downright abusive at times. That is how I feel about it.
Maybe some people feel that having a positive mental attitude is a good thing and that is what they are trying to invoke. However when you are in daily and constant pain - that is why it is a chronic condition funnily enough - this is less helpful than you may imagine. I would love to not feel like I have run a marathon every day - honestly me and running do not mix anyway. I would love to not feel my muscles in my back, neck, shoulders concertina up, screwing up so tight that I can’t breathe in pain. I would love to never feel pain every again.
So this is pain
But the truth is I do and I will and before you say it. Yes I take supplements, yes I have a very particular diet, yes I meditate, yes I do my exercises, yes I find joy in as much as I can to get through every hour of the day. But I am in pain.
So what does someone in pain look like? Me. I am in pain. And I could bore you every single second of the pain. Right now, my hip flexor will not cooperate with me and has gone off for a cuppa. My hands - especially thumbs seem to radiate heat, throbbing horribly. My feet have done about 2/3 of the daily marathon and I’ve been sitting down all morning. And we are always anticipating the next migraine or muscle spasm. Always.
So please be sweet, be kind because the look of Lorraine’s pain looks like me.
Lorraine Ansell has Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and is in pain all day and every day and the cool party tricks were acutally really injuring me!
What Fun!