Bringing it back
I used to think that that was it, my back was forever curving and kinked. I believed the consultant when they told me that nothing could be done. The offer of an operation was there but only if I wanted to be a professional dancer. And I only danced as a passion, not professionally so I said no. At the age of 15 I turned my back on an operation.
In hindsight a good choice given what the doctors and I know now about my slow healing and very stretchy tissues. Could you imagine a metal fusion operation with my tissue issues? And bare in mind that even with an operation, exercises would still need to be part of the process.
Painsville
In a blink of an eye and the crackle of multiple bones in my back, neck and shoulders, 30 years went by. The stiffness and pain were increasing. The middle of my back where my ribs meet was painful and waking me up at night. My neck pain was causing chronic migraines and headaches. I was losing days to pain and I was scared I would lose more than that in the coming years. Slowly but surely, my lumber was en route to Painsville, population; my whole body, organs, bones and systems.
I felt like a soggy pudding, my torso melting towards the ground due to gravity. I couldn’t hold myself up. I was exhausted. I have tried for decades to improve my posture with yoga, dance, pilates and walking. I would tell physios how I felt I was collapsing. I was told that I had a core and just needed more core work outs.
I couldn’t understand why I had a permanent and painful sinking feeling.
Was I simply a soggy cake?
Oh cake!
Soggy Spinal Cake
And I did. I did everything I was told. All the exercises. All the time. I was dedicated. I was consistent. I was all in. And yet, the feelings and sensations of collapse were still there. I was still being told to correct my posture. Something that was a permanent mantra by family and dance teachers. Even in 2022, a ballet teacher was telling me to bring my shoulders down over and over in front of the whole class. And I couldn’t, the incorrect muscles were tight trying to hold me up. The winged scapula that had been a very physical and visible display of my scoliosis and I even had the nickname of “little hump” by family members. Yeah I know right - so supportive. I wasn’t ashamed of it but I was conscious of it. I couldn’t seem to pull myself up, I was slumping all over the place and it was getting more and more painful.
"I was 15 when I was offered an operation but only if I was going to be a professional dancer"
What she did next
I had known for decades of practices such as the Schroth Method (This is a scoliosis-specific exercise approach using stretching, strengthening, and breathing techniques to correct spinal curves and it is nonsurgical.) I had heard of this method during the early 2000s. But no one seemed to provide scoliosis services locally at a time when living online wasn’t a thing.
At the latter stages of lockdown 3, I came across scoliosis on social media. I knew I had a curve, I had x-rays taken at a local chiropractor during a bad lumbar episode. I knew I had to do something. I watched scoliosis knowledgable coaches over and over. I checked out their websites and their offerings. And I made a choice. I immediately liked Claudia when I saw her first on social media. She was friendly and approachable. She was knowledgeable and knew her stuff. And it turns out we have similar curves and twists.
BRINGING ME BACK
I signed up to an 8 week course one on one online. From the start I found myself having my mind blown over and over again. Claudia explained how my back was feeling as if she were in my own mind.
She detailed the pains that my overstretched and overstimulated muscles were going through so well that I honestly thought that she had been watching me for years.
What I would learn left me stunned. My back was stressed, overwhelmed and over stimulated. I sat there in mild confusion and then anger. All those years of trying to relieve stress, work on my mindfulness and let things go and my back muscles and tissues were always on. Never switching off. Constantly pulling more and more until I was having almost nightly nightmares, waking up in pain and feeling like I had been hit my a jumbo jet.
So I was stressed and traumatising my tissues over and over. This was something that all the gentle music meditation in the world wasn’t going to change. With Claudia, I stepped into a new world. A world with an appreciation of spinal alignment. A roll down evaluation and Claudia could see how I was twisting and rotating. I was going round the bend!
Spinal Success
Each week, Claudia would teach me exercises to do. They are of course very familiar to me as someone who has done yoga and pilates and breath work. On all fours, squats, glute exercises. So what is the difference?
Under Claudia’s gaze, I planted my feet, gently bent my knees and moved my hips. I pulled myself up and out reaching for the stars like never before. My crown pulling me towards their brightness with everything I had. She gave me homework and I did the work at home, daily, every day. A full time job.
Move, breathe, reset. Move, breathe, reset.
Over and over again until I switched muscles on. My upper left side started to join in finally and we let her. I began to feel differently. I would sit after each session blown away, sometimes crying because something changed within me. The next day, after sleeping with props and pillows to help my curves, I would feel much less pain. Maybe instead of the jumbo jet hitting me, it was a small car.
Things were changing.
My breathing became more deeply even. And I have done A LOT of breathing exercises, I have read, learnt and practised good breathing for decades now. But switching on my left rib cage was like taking in an extra breath. Was this how it is like for so many of you? You can breath? I began to feel more at ease and safer and calmer. Maybe because I wasn’t twisting around so much.
The exercises are hard work and I have shed a tear or two at the gym while doing them. But I didn’t find them painful - note if you find any exercise painful, stop. I found that I felt better after doing them. I felt stronger, taller, better. Also my clothes fit me better, my boobs - I can hold those up!
Back Changes
I started this journey to reduce the pain and to start getting curious about my curves.
I didn't realise how much would change and in such a short space of time. I've been working on myself for over 30 years but these 8 weeks have made more of a difference than I could have ever imagined.
BREATHING
Suddenly I realised I had a whole other lung to breathe from. Breathing more and deeper has helped so much,
SLEEP
Nightly nightmares were my normality. I would awaken drenched in sweat due to vivid dreams of back injuries. Now, hardly any nightmares. Only the cat wakes me up!
PAIN RELIEF
Waking up in pain was not fun. Learning to use props, pillows and gravity as a help has changed my pain. Much less pain and easier to sleep.
GROWTH
I have been measured a lot mostly in medical settings especially as pre-op procedures. And after these 8 weeks, I am 4cm TALLER!
BOOBS
I thought I was getting shy about them and I was "falling forwards." Turns out I didn't have any back strength toehold them up. Hey chicas!
CLOTHING
For years, my knickers and trousers felt off and I was forever re-arranging them. Even my bras and bags were falling off my shoulder. Finally my clothes look and feel better.
TUMMY
I have had tummy issues for decades. I know that with hEDS the digestive tract can be sluggish. Since doing the scoliosis exercises, maybe it is the expansion of my torso, I have had fewer tummy issues!
Facing
a
Fascia Focused
Future
The reality is that I or rather my tissues and spine will always want to rotate. I will always want to sit back in my scoliosis. My fascia will always be pre-disposed to twist my tissues over and over. I face a future that I constantly and consistently work to always de-rotate myself. My exercises are now part of my daily activities. My newly acquired learning helps me with the pain and watch my body with more curiosity.
Also I give myself a lot of self compassion. After all, here I was, doing all these human things and activities with a curved spine that was causing pain and my internal body to do things differently, under stress and pressure. I remain trying to create de-rotating conditions for myself and while I know that I will never be able to get to 100% straight alignment, the changes have been life changing.
I have seen real physical and emotional change from my back work. And even after these 8 weeks, I am carrying on with my exercises because they have made such a huge change. Claudia created a special scoliosis exercise program for me to fit in with my life. It even comes with pictures so I know what form I need to take. Plus we check in every so often to make sure I am getting my curves right. I am eternally grateful to Claudia for making me taller, stronger and taking up more space - SPINAL SPACE!
BACK & BETTER
Claudia aka The Scoli Coach, offers an holistic approach to managing scoliosis that not only helps reduce pain but also slows or even prevents curve progression.
Whether you're living with scoliosis or fusion, Claudia guides you with tools, support, and education to help you build strength, improve posture, and transform your body and mind.
It has changed my life and I am
BACK AND BETTER
