Pain Perspectives
Finding myself in the universe of pain has been like finally seeing my nose at the end of my face. I know it is there but somehow I’ve managed to totally miss it. So when I was made to realise that I was in pain there was a relief to this knowledge but also a huge realisation that I was going to have to start a new relationship with pain.
What is Pain?
Pain is an unpleasant sensation which can be either of neurological nature, physical (e.g. from muscles or tendons) or emotional. I believe that whether it is a broken heart or broken foot, pain is a valuable tool to telling us something. Mostly to change our actions or behaviours and to learn more about our authentic selves. And yes, I know first hand that pain isn’t exactly a pleasant messenger. Ok, it Flipping hurts!
Skills Not Pills
Once I realised that I lived in chronic pain, mostly from my fascia aching from simply doing such “dangerous” activities such as sleeping or sitting down, I was curious about the pain mechanism itself. I have read a lot of books, listening to podcasts and generally wondered about what pain is teaching me.
I have taken medication for the pain but alas, I simply didn’t get much relief and in many cases it created more painful issues (like constipation) so pills are not great for me. I wondered if there are skills or activities or mindsets that could work for me.
"I wondered if there are skills or activities or mindsets that could work for me."
I have heard of Stanmore Pain Clinic and other places but the waiting list is long. I was looking for something that suited me and my timings a little more. I’ve already been a huge fan of talk therapy working with a great therapist to help unblock some emotional packages so I started to look for something similar but for physical pain. As a person who is highly sensitive I connected with a physiotherapist who works in this area.
Two Pain Perspectives
I liked Dr. Valentina Buscemi straight away from our online call. She was calm, considered and kind asking me questions that made me both feel and think. It seems we were both approaching pain from different pain perspectives. Me as the patient and Valentina as the physiotherapist. Her strength is being able to help a patient access feeling, being in the body rather than thinking. Over about 9 months, Valentina led me through areas that were causing me pain. And to really listen to those parts, gently and ask what they needed.
I felt safe, supported and especially for a chronically ill patient with persistent pain, heard, listened to and believed. I still get very emotional when someone cares enough
to help simply because my experience has been to not be taken notice of or given a pill and to “get on with things.” This behavioural stance, I feel has caused me to neglect myself and my body’s needs. So each time I had a session with Valentina, I felt huge transformative shifts in both body and mind.
“During my doctorate, I started to explore the role of stress in pain and how this can impact on the initiation and perpetuation of pain and suffering. Pain is a real and complex experience that deserves attention in all its aspects”.
To feel or not to feel that is the question
The reality is that for someone who is very sensitive and at my age very used to pain signals is that I simply forget to feel. Or rather I have got used to the signals bombarding me the whole time so I tend to ignore them. I have spent a lifetime over riding signals because of a deadline, not to bother people, because my brain is being over stimulated by whatever distraction I would find.
Valentina has given me tools and skills to learn how to feel again. Do I need the toilet? I stop for a moment and leave the desk because actually yes I need the toilet. And now I am back, wondering about how nice it felt to move for a bit. So now, I am putting on some gentle jazz and having a waft around the kitchen. I take my glasses off because my eyes need a rest. I cry because the music is beautiful. I allow my body to do what it feels it needs to do to express itself. It feels safe, it feels like there is a completion of a process.
My Pain Relationship
My relationship with pain is a lifelong commitment. It is a relationship to nurture and be curious about, day by day, moment by moment. I feel an urge to move away from pain “management” word, which gives connotations of goals, of KPIs and of facts and data. All brain points. I feel body points is what will benefit me most.
Do I still feel pain? Absolutely I do. And that is wonderful, my body is speaking to me. Does it hurt and is it uncomfortable? At times yes. But now with tools I have been learning, I can practice Pain Connection. Giving myself much needed space and place to rest, eat, switch off and soothe.
Thanks to Valentina’s teachings I have been able to deepen my window of tolerance and benefit from returning to a safe nervous system state. It has enabled me to travel abroad, sleep better, return to a relationship with myself and find out my needs.
Now I look forward to levering these skills more and more. Pain, I do love you.